Critical Error: XBOX 360

It's official. My 360 has suffered its now THIRD red ring of death since I bought it. It is now, however, out of warranty and will cost nearly $150 to get it fixed. Since one of the main points of this blog was to NOT spend money on games, this defeats the purpose. This leaves me with a few options:

1) Screw it, throw out my 360 and erase all twenty 360/XBOX games from my backlog.
2) Buy a used 360 for the same price as the repair
3) Call MS and raise hell

I've had recent problems with Microsoft lately. They automatically renewed my Gold membership for their new price of $60 without my permission, and then refused to cancel it or refund me the money - on a cancelled credit card by the way. I eventually got the credit card to charge back the amount and got it settled, but as soon as that gets worked out the damn system shits the bed.

You know what? I think I'm done with this stupid company and their low quality product. Screw it. I'm done. Any objections? Wanna talk me off the ledge?

Review: Batman Arkham Asylum

Batman. Star of comics and movies and afternoon television, loved by millions of fans the world over, a multi-million dollar industry on the name alone - yet no one has ever successfully made a Batman video game that captured the essence of the movies or the comics in any real way. Freshman developer Rocksteady came out of nowhere with their attempt at a decent Bats game - and holy hell did they deliver.

Story.
Arkham Asylum came out in the Summer of 2009, but it was still riding the immense popularity wave of 2008's The Dark Knight. And while it didn't have story ties with Christopher Nolan's modern masterpiece, Arkham Asylum's main villain is The Joker, and with the hysteria over Heath Ledger's portrayal of the clown-faced maniac, the game really hit a sweet spot in the market.

The main storyline of Arkham Asylum is this: you (Batman) capture Joker and return him to  Gotham's home for the criminally insane. Joker seems awfully cooperative as he is wheeled into the institution Hannibal Lecter style in the game's creepy opening. Indeed, you played right into Joker's plan as he takes over the Asylum by setting all the inmates free.

The majority of the story is that setup alone - there's no real big twists or turns or story arcs. There's a ton of atmosphere and sense of place, most of which is derived from a series of Batman comics based around Arkham. But in terms of driving plot, it's a single mission: stop Joker. There are story threads that are told through hidden audio diaries - these are actually recordings of doctor/patient sessions with some of Arkham's most infamous villains. They give a lot of depth to the game's plot and characters, but don't really advance the main plot that much.

Regardless, the amount of story that is here is just right. Because this game is all about the action, baby.

Gameplay.
Finely tuned doesn't even begin to describe this game. The developers captured every element of Batman's character and then some. Doing so meant blending several different game styles which can often result in a mess of a game, but Rocksteady studios absolutely nailed it.

One of the first things to comes to mind when one thinks of Batman is the gadgets. In Arkham Asylum you have eight gadgets to play around with - from the iconic Batarang to the remotely detonated explosive foam, to the ridiculously-fun-to-use zip line, you will feel like a fully equipped Dark Knight.

In addition to sweet gear, Batman also has to be stealthy. There are specific rooms within the Asylum that are swarming with armed thugs - the most threatening enemies in the game. If you're seen, it only takes two or three shots to take you down. To make sure you aren't seen, you are given the all important "detective mode". This is activated by a single button press and allows Batman to see through walls to see the position of the thugs and whether or not they are armed. You can also hang from gargoyles around the to evade and hide from trouble.

Detective Mode

These rooms are all about pattern recognition and patience. But once you start methodically taking out the guards and hearing their shouts go from taunting to pleading, you actually feel like the all powerful caped crusader. These are by far the most exciting parts of the game once you get it right.

Even with all this coolness of knocking out baddies, Batman's original occupation was a detective. The Detective Mode which allows you to see enemies through walls, also allows you to track down clues and follow invisible footprints. There are quite a few times throughout the game where you're tasked with finding an answer to a puzzle rather than finding the soft spot in a goon's head. While these sections were relatively easy, they were challenging enough to be enjoyable, and offered a welcomed break in the action.

In addition to the campaign based puzzles, there are also "Riddler Challenges" scattered everywhere. Almost every room in the game has a pun-based riddle associated with it and solving it will give you experience points and will usually unlock character bios for you to peruse. Many times you can ignore the riddle and just point at the thing that sticks out in a room, but other times they can be real noodle scratchers. But Riddler didn't only leave riddles for you to solve, he also hid little question mark trophies everywhere - sometimes easy to track down, other times deviously difficult. I was obsessed with finding as many trophies and answering as many riddles as possible. I got about 75% of them, but the time I spent trying to figure out these puzzles easily extended the game's length by 3-4 hours for me - easily my favorite aspect of the game.

Probably has something to do with that elevator...

The final thing I'll mention is that you are in a mental hospital for the criminally insane - that's a scary place, and this game reminds you of that every chance it gets. You won't be jumping out of your seat or trading in Silent Hill 2, but the creepiness is definitely there real thick. The best component of this is the Scarecrow's induced hallucinations.You'll start to see the environment around you change radically in a way specifically targeted to terrify Bruce Wayne - and you in the process. It's freakin scary. Here's a non-spoilery sample:

How much poop is in your pants right now?

The amount of variety of gameplay in this game is immense. I didn't even mention the Metroid elements, Zelda elements, or the hand-to-hand combat. While it doesn't quite match the pacing of Uncharted 2, it destroys it in the amount of gameplay styles packed in there. You will never be bored while playing this game. Never. Never ever. For real.

Presentation.
Batman has always been dark, and gritty and sort of gothic (well, except for that stupid Batman and Robin movie), and Arkham Asylum captures that aesthetic perfectly. Its appropriate use of the gray scale is spot on, but the game adds variety by pushing you through a lush greenhouse garden or the night-sky lit Asylum courtyards, or Batman's alternate batcave - bathed in the blue glow of technology, its environments are just as varied as its styles of gameplay.

The voice acting and scripting is damn near perfect. Luke Skywalker himself, Mark Hamill voices the Joker, reprising his role from the animated series. Batman still has that goofy, over-the-top gruffness to his voice, but at least its consistent with the movies.

"No! That's not true! That's impossible!" I mean..."Let's put a smile on that face..."

The little details in the game are fantastic too. For example, as you play through, Batman's suit gets ripped and his cape gets shredded - evidence and reminders of your physical struggles through the experience.

The music is awesome and reminiscent of the Tim Burton Batman music. Swelling horns and orchestration punctuates each area and victory.

The only thing I didn't like was how close the camera hung on your character. Batman took up like the entire left third of the screen, which made it hard to see at times. It's totally nit-picky and you definitely get used to it after a couple hours, but it's the only negative thing I could say about the game. Here, see for yourself.

Yo, you all up in my business. My biznass.

Stuff I Loved: 

• Perfect blend of seemingly endless gameplay styles
• Top notch voice acting, scripting, and graphics
• Freakin scary when it should be, exciting when it needed to be and methodical when you wanted it to be. Awesome. 

Stuff I Hated: 

• Literally nothing. I was never frustrated throughout the entire game. Ever.  

If you don't own this game, change that. It's by far one of the top ten games of this generation. Here, let me help you. Batman Arkham Asylum on Amazon

Do it.

Finished: Batman Arkham Asylum

 

Completion Time: About 12 hours

Completion Rate: 75%

Hell yes. This game is tippity top notch. Extremely well developed, thoroughly engaging, right mood, right controls - it's a legitimate gem of a game. Definitely in the top three of the games I've played so far in this blog.

Review coming shortly.

Play Retro LCD Handheld Games for Free

Remember these awful things? There were literally thousands of these over-priced, unplayable poopies. I remember two of these games specifically.

$40 worth of crap

This one I remember my dad buying for me in an airport for $40. Even as a kid I knew it was way too expensive for what I was getting. But I was a hyperactive kid and if $40 was the cost of my in-flight silence, it was probably worth it.

Thwick ah Thweet

This one I got as a "brave boy" gift - let me explain. I had a lisp as a kid - you know that little muscle thing under your tongue? Mine was too thick and they had to "shave it". It was terrifying - two giant Novocaine needles under the tongue at age 8. For going through with it though, I was rewarded with this dual-screened wonder, out of which I actually got a lot of use.

During the two week healing process, my lisp was 10 times as bad. Halloween happened to fall 5 days after the surgery which forced me to churn out an awkward "Thwick ah Thweet" at each house. I got a lot more candy that year - probably because everyone thought I was retarded.

And now there's a website that lets you play all these classic, boring, frustrating experiences for free! You can relive your own boring, frustrating, Novocaine-induced memories over at PicaPic.com

ENJOY!

Arkham's History

Hey. I just found this little history of Arkham on Gametrailers. It goes into the backstory of the hallowed asylum from the perspective of the comics, on which this game is based.

Really well done and thoroughly researched. Enjoy.

Video Games | Batman: Arkham Asylum | Arkham Retrospective

Xbox 360 | PlayStation 3 | Nintendo Wii | PC Games

Still Playing: Batman Arkham Asylum

Ho-ho-holy crap. This game is sweet.

I've put in about four hours so far and can already tell that this will be one of the best games I play throughout this whole project.

Going into it with absolutely no expectations has given me a few pleasant surprises.

First, the story. Joker has been captured on purpose so he can release all the inmates in Arkham and take complete control of the institution. This sets a fantastic context for the way the rest of the game plays out - for example - you'll find yourself with many blocked passageways and dead ends - a video game design device to make an area appear to be bigger than it actually is. To give this mechanic more of a reason to be - Joker tells you at the beginning - "You're not going anywhere I don't want you to go." Because of this you feel like you're being completely manipulated for the first couple hours of the game. Very cool.

Master Manipulator

What I didn't expect was the horror elements that the developers included. You are reminded VERY early on that Arkham is a legitimate prison for psychotic maniacs. There have already been a few poop-your-pants moments with run-ins with the Joker and Scarecrow. The scariness adds so much to the game in the sense of atmosphere.

George Cloony Batman this is not. This is Dark Knight and Batman Begins rolled up together and then mixed with Silence of the Lambs.

Ohgh. It's just so SO good.

 Consider my pants pooped.

Up Next: Batman Arkham Asylum

Thanks to Rafterman for the suggestion.

This is an interesting piece in my collection. It was lent to me by a friend, but since I lost a couple games my recent move, I figured I could plug the holes with borrowed games to make it fair.

I literally know nothing about this game. I've heard fantastic things about it, but haven't played it for a single second. Hopefully it's better than Batman: Dark Tomorrow - literally the worst game I've ever played. Worse than Donkey Kong Country. May I?

Not this.

I used to work at GameStop which, as you may know, thrives on their trade-in business. Customers who came with trades were often disappointed to find out that their games are essentially worthless with our insultingly low trade-in values. This would result in one of two things:

1) They would just leave their bag of crappy games with us and say, "I was gonna throw em out anyway" or
2) I would offer them a cash deal out of my own pocket. "Under the table". Totally against the rules but a fairly common practice amongst employees. Try it next time you're in a GameStop.

Anyway, one time a dude came in with a bag of about ten games that netted him maybe $2.50 in store credit. Insulted, he handed me the bag and said, "fine, then you throw em out!" and stormed out of the store. The bag was divvied up amongst the employees and I got Batman: Dark Tomorrow.

I was having a bunch of friends over that night and we all tried it out together. From what I remember there isn't even a start screen. There is a 3 second cut scene of bad guys mugging some woman, then it cuts to Batman in a completely different area. You run to the end of an alley, then you're on the rooftops. You have to use your Batcable to swing from roof to roof. This is the end of the game - literally we spent about two hours trying to get to the end of this sequence and it was impossible. The game was broken 2 minutes in.

Conversely, Arkham Asylum has been touted as "The Only Good Batman Video Game Ever". If it has more than two minutes of gameplay, it will have succeeded.

What Should I Play Next?

Same deal - I'm stuck on what to play next. Check my collection and hit up the comments to make a suggestion.

Word, yo.

Review: Bit.Trip Beat

Bit.Trip Beat carries a lot of "firsts". It was the first game in the now six game Bit.Trip Series; it was one of the first games worth buying on the WiiWare platform; and it is inspired by the first mainstream video game ever - Pong. But should it be first on your list of games to buy?

Gameplay

Bit.Trip Beat relies very heavily on the Pong model. You control a rectangular paddle on the left side of the screen. But instead of facing off against another paddle, you are tasked with returning multiple "beats" (Bit.Trip's version of the ball in Pong).  The beats come at you at various speeds, angles and sizes. Some travel in a straight path, while others move in a sin wave, while still others bounce off your paddle and return back in an arc. The hook here is that each beat creates a note when struck. So the beats come in on a beat and add to the background music - making you an active participant in creating the game's music.

Sin Wave Formation

Controlling the game is simple, yet its something that cannot be done effectively with a traditional controller. This game was first released on the Wii as a downloadable title, tasking players with holding the remote sideways and rotating it toward and away from the player. This essentially recreated the analog control of the old Atari paddle - or "wheel" controller. The game is also available for iOS devices (iPad, iPhone etc) and Mac and PC, using the touch screen and trackpad or mouse for control, respectively. All the control methods work well, and all have their own issues.

Playing on the Wii would sometimes give you the "jerky" movement players sometimes experience with the Wii Remote. Playing on an iOS device gives you more prescise control, but suffers from your giant mitts blocking the screen. You can slide your finger anywhere on the device, but no matter where you do it, you're blocking your view of something. I haven't played on the PC or Mac but can imagine that using a mouse is precise as well, but you are limited by your mousepad or physical space to move your mouse around in. Between the iPad and Wii versions, I felt more comfortable using the iPad, even with the blocking of the screen.

To explain the rest of the gameplay, I really need the help of a video.

This is the first level of the game. As you can see, the paddle on the left is returning the beats coming in from the right. You'll notice two bars on the screen - the one at the top labeled "MEGA" and the one on the bottom labeled "NETHER". As the player returns the beats, the MEGA bar begins to fill. Once its filled you go into MEGA MODE. Here, the music becomes fuller, the graphics become more intense, and you have an opportunity for point multipliers.

The NETHER bar is filled by missing beats. Miss enough and you'll drop into the Nether world. Here you are depleted of any and all sound effects and music, and the game becomes a black and white Pong game. If you fill the NETHER bar while you're in the Nether world, its game over.

None of this is really explained to you and you are basically left to figure it out on your own. These extra mechanics didn't come to me immediately, but it was kinda fun to figure it out along the way "Oh, that does that! OK!"

Presentation

For a game that does everything to convince you of it's retro-ocity, the presentation is where that would be achieved. Bit.Trip Beat features blocky, Atari-style graphics and music, but with a sprinkling of the modern. Things move much more quickly than they ever could on a 2600, the colors and seizure-inducing patterned lightshows are definitely a mark of it's current-gen nature, The only thing that detracts, visually, is the fact that the background animations often cloud your vision, making the beats difficult to see. These instances are certainly more prevalent in the later levels, but its certainly a notable frustration.

The music is from the same ilk. It's as if someone took a soundtrack from the Atari era and remixed it with beaty beats and flippity flups. The real treat is getting into MEGA mode and hearing the music as it is intended to be heard. My initial reaction to that design mechanic was "but I'm missing out on all the good music!" to which I replied to myself "maybe if you were better at the game, you'd hear it more, stupid!"

Stuff I Loved: 

• Retro-Modern graphics and music
• Classic Gameplay
• A serious challenge at points

Stuff I Hated

• A little short (probably spent five or so hours with this overall) 
• Distracting background graphics 
• Various control issues across all platforms  

All in all, I would recommend you check this out in one form or another. I think your best value is on the iOS App Store at just a buck. It's $6 on the Wii and I think $10 on Steam for Mac and PC. Either way, you should own some sort of device to play it on, and I would recommend you shove this game into that device's hard drive.

Blam. 

Review In Ten Words or Less: 
A "TRIP" down retro lane that fully satisfies. 

Finished: Bit.Trip Beat HD (iPad Version)

Wow. Holy crap. One sitting, an hour and a half and I'm done with this thing.  

I own this as a WiiWare game, but it's the exact same thing on the iPad and as a bonus I could play without getting out of bed. 

As happy as I am to cross another game off, I'm gonna spend a little more time with it cuz I kinda scraped by the last few levels and feel like I didn't get the full enjoyment out of it. I'll play it for a week then post a review. 

73 games to go.