Absolutely Cannot Finish Beyond Good & Evil

So I reached the point where my memory card failed last time. I played another hour or so, and absolutely could NOT get through it. I don't know if the story just aged badly or the gameplay wasn't there, but I just couldn't muster the power to push through to the end.

I decided to break a big personal rule and just watch the ending on Youtube. It was a ten minute clip, and I bailed out at minute 3. I just did not care at all what happened to these characters. And it's a shame - Beyond Good & Evil is a unique game in an interesting world with non-traditional characters - My bias for non-traditional, mold-breaking games should force me to love this game above all others, but no, sadly, that's not the case.

Off to the trade-in shop you go, little one.

Up Next: Beyond Good and Evil. Again.

My third rate memory card took a dump all over my plans to finish this game the last time I tried. Well, thanks to a few trade ins, and a sweet local indie game shop, I got myself a Gamecube and for the first time in my life - a first party memory card. Hallelujah.

It's been almost three years since I tried to finish this game.

Let's do it!

Finished: Bioshock Infinite

This is one of the most finely crafted stories in all of video games. The symbolism, the twist, the way each new revelation changes everything you just experienced - it is an amazing achievement in the progression of video games as a story telling device.

Being terrible at shooters, I didn't particularly enjoy the gameplay - and really this game is just Bioshock 1 in a different setting - but it's been four days since I beat this thing and I'm still unraveling the details in my head.

You know how you felt after watching Momento or Inception? This is on par with those, except I would argue that Bioshock Infinite is an even richer, fully fleshed out experience.

Please buy this game. Vote with your wallet for more content like this - this is the direction the industry should be heading.

Thank you.

Love,
Brandon

Finished: Link to the Past

Completion Time: About 20 Hours
Completion Percentage: About 80%

Wow what a game. This is just about as perfect an experience you can get in a video game. Not a moment is wasted, there's like eleven temples - none of which are a stupid water temple - music is amazing, graphics are charming - it's literally one of the best games ever. This, Super Metroid and Cruis'n Wii are the best three games of all time.

It's an undisputed fact.

Still Playing: Link to the Past

Yes this is one of the highest rated games ever, but I'm interested in why it's so highly regarded. On a psychological level, the game constantly gives out little victories, giving you a perpetual sense of accomplishment. Every fifteen or twenty minutes, you find a hidden item, or finish a temple or upgrade your equipment.

One larger theme I picked up on this time was the fact that there are essentially two full quests in this game. In fact, there are three if you think about it.

F*** YEAH, SON!

The first thing you're asked to do, the very first thing, is rescue Zelda from the castle. Let me reiterate -  you save the princess within the first twenty minutes of the game. Welp, my job's done. I'm outta here, right? 

NO BITCH! YOU GOTTA GET DAT MASTER SWORD, SON!

Oh, right. Thanks Uneducated Poser White Guy. So you then go on a much larger quest to collect three medallions, from three separate temples to earn the Master Sword. That takes five to eight hours to accomplish, and this would have been enough to consider Link to the Past a finished game - it certainly feels like a huge accomplishment.

But then you're introduced to the idea that there is an ENTIRE OTHER PARALLEL WORLD essentially doubling the size of the game. This leads you to a quest to rescue eight maidens spread across eight different temples in the dark world, which will give you the power to ultimately overcome Ganon.

Light World - Dark World

So not only are you achieving two or three small victories every hour, you also have these larger major victories throughout the experience. 

Forget the legendary gameplay and air-tight mechanics, this psychological thrill ride of constant victories is what makes this one of the most fondly remembered games of all time.

Up Next: A Link to the Past

I never had this game as a kid. My entire community of friends all had Genesis, but that didn't stop my rampant jealousy when reading about games like this in the latest video game publication. I remember as a kid being dragged to a lot of parties with my parents. I was always very reluctant to go, unless host's kid had a Super Nintendo. Then I would have a countdown clock in my room, anxiously awaiting my chance to get my hands on the games I didn't have access to.

When I finally did get a Super Nintendo as an adult, I got Link to the Past, and loved it, obviously, but I never beat it. Why? Welp...

I had gotten through the entire game and was fighting the final boss. I'm talkin minutes away from seeing the credits. I died and my wife, who was reading a book, said she'd like to give it a try.

"I played Zelda on Nintendo" she said defensively when I gave her my best are-you-kidding look.

I reluctantly handed over the controller, but she was sitting too far away. When she grabbed it, she pulled the system with it, pulling out the wires from the back of the system.

No worries, I saved right before hand.

Power off.

Power on.

Title screen.

Press start. 

Save file is gone.

Start over.

Needless to say, I didn't feel like replaying the ENTIRE game all over, so I let it sit until now. That was five years ago.

Time to take down Ganon for good!

The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Let's do it.

Review: The Walking Dead

**This review will be done in the voice of a new character I'm workshopping - Uneducated, Poser White Guy. Enjoy.**

Let me say this right off the bat. DO NOT BUY THIS GAME! If you are used to COD or Halo you will be disappointed!

I just finished this piece of shit they trying to pass off as "The Walking Dead". Escuse me? I thought this was a show about shooting zombies in the fuckin face, not fuckin talking about farming or babysitting some lil BITCH! Dats all you do in this game, fuckin chase after some little girl. Yo for real, I think Lee is a pedofile, man.

I don't even know where they got these characters from! None of these bitches is on the TV show! Where's dat bitch wit the sword at? 

Yo for real tho, this is how the game goes:

You find this little girl who lost her family and decide to take care of her.
Then you meet some other redneck bitch-ass family and take care of them.
Then you just move from place to place fuckin TALKING to each other.

Erbody keep talking about "Oh the story so good, son. Yo dat story!"

Bitch, I don't give a shit about story. Only reason I see movies that say they got a story to it is cuz usually U get to see some TITTIES, son! Ain't one god damn titty in dis whole game!

Dats it! Don't buy dis game. It's BULLSHIT! I want da last ten hours of my life back!

I sold dis shit at Gamestop and picked up a real man's game - Battlefield 3, bitch!
Look for me online, x69Cowboyz4Life69x I'll be the one snipin' yo ass!