Almost Done...Skyward Sword

Since my last post, my love/hate relationship with this game has grown exponentially.

I went through two of the best dungeons in Zelda history, and had gone completely obsesso-tron in collecting heart pieces. Within a few hours I went from despising every fiber of this game to finally seeing why people were calling this the best Zelda ever. It's not. Let's be clear on that. But for a good ten hours, I was really, really enjoying it. 

Then I was hit with an escort mission. Not just any escort mission, but possibly the worst one ever made. Seriously. Ever. And it was surrounded by the most tedious fetch quest in the game so far.

I guess the following contains really minor spoilers - nothing story related, but if you want to go in fresh, please skip ahead...

[SPOILERS]

Later on in the game, you are given access to another temple within the Volcano area. This temple is at the very top of the volcano. To get in, you have to drop a huge amount of water into this frog statue's mouth, and you need a huge basin of water to do it.

After you figure out exactly what you have to do, a robot will come and grab it for you. This is a robot that's been used before in other "go find this specific thing" missions, and he'll usually put the item down right where you need it. But in this case, you are forced to start at the base of the volcano and work your way back to the top while guarding this little guy.

THIS piece of SH** is the WORST robot EVER MADE!

Here's why it's an awful escort mission:

1) The robot is extremely weak. If he's hit two times by any of the dozens of archers scattered around, you have to restart.
2) He's slow. You can't run or he'll get lost. Then you have to go back and find him.
3) He complains. The entire time. If you get lost, he'll say "where did you go?! I'm lost!" When you find him he says "It's about time, slowpoke" If he sees monsters he says "What are gonna do about those monsters?"
4) He can't use any shortcuts. If you try to use one of the many airlifts around the level, he'll say "I can't use that! We'll have to go around!"

And then when you FINALLY get to where you're going, you're so pissed off you can't enjoy the temple.

[SPOILERS]

On the upside, I just got to a point where the story went into high gear - really exciting, canon expanding stuff.

Nintendo recently released an official Zelda timeline, here's my timeline for my enjoyment of the game:


Bored -- Angry -- Bored -- Angry -- Excited -- In Love! -- Intrigued -- FURIOUS -- Exctied

Basically, this:

The Escapist : Zero Punctuation : The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Halfway There: Skyward Sword

At this point - halfway through the experience - I cannot recommend this game to anyone. Zelda fan or not.

My main problem is the banality of almost everything you're tasked with doing. So without spoiling anything, I'm currently on the hunt for three sacred flames, each hidden within various temples. This I'm fine with - every Zelda game ever has you searching for nic nacs and bink bonks through various lands and temples. My problem is this:

"Hello, person/creature who has the information/key I need to get into the next temple. Would you please let me in?"
"Absolutely, Link. But first, I need you to collect 15 of these random objects scattered throughout this area."
"S-Seriously? You can't just let me in? I mean the door's right there. I mean it would take you less than five sec..."
"FIFTEEN OBJECTS!"

"Sure, I could tell you how to get there. But wouldn't you rather go hunting for meaningless items?"

At one point I had to completely retread the ENTIRE first temple just to get a bottle filled with water for that stupid lady pictured above.

"But there's water everywhere. Why not just get water from the lake next to the person asking for it?" You ask.

Because I need this stupid GD special water that only exists in a specific pixel of an area at the VERY END of the first temple.

Boy, do I feel satisfied with this achievement. A bottle of water. Don't get better than that.

I don't mind revisiting old places to obtain bonuses and powerups. That's a conscious decision I've made to enhance my characters abilities with the sacrifice of going back through areas I've already seen. But when I'm forced to do the same thing twice for something so trivial as a bottle of water, I get a little more than furious.

There are moments of brilliance, don't get me wrong. Little glimmers of what this game could have been poke their heads out about once an hour. The last few temples I've been through have been really interesting - but the overall feeling I'm getting is that each piece was developed exclusive of everything else. If they had simply made the game in a seamless world, and stripped out all the backtracking the game would sing like none other. But they didn't - and I'm left pushing myself to finish the brussel sprouts so I can have the ice cream.

Still Playing: Skyward Sword

I've been pretty bored so far. Nothing feels organic - it feels like Zelda by the numbers. So you have the Sky world and the surface world, but nothing is connected. You travel to the different areas of the surface via the sky, so essentially the sky serves as a overblown warp station. Gone is the sense of mystery of seeing  something like Death Mountain in the distance and then traversing over hill and dale to get there, anticipation building with each step.

Oh man! What's IN there?

That's not to say that the game is bad. All the elements of a masterpiece are here - startlingly accurate 1:1 swordplay, excellent (if derivative) puzzles, unique areas and bosses - it's just that nothing is coming together for me yet. The sky feels emptier than the sea in Wind Waker, the areas leading up to the dungeons are a parade of monotonous fetch quests, and Fi, your guide through the game, is about as exciting as Dodongo doo doo. Her dialogue is very "Artificial Intelligence" with percentages and ratios making up the most of what she says. Coming from Twilight Princess' sassy and rebellious Midna, Fi feels like a glorified information ATM.

I'd rather hear, "HEY! LISTEN!"

Strangely, I'm compelled to keep playing. Maybe because I know (read: hope) it will get ridiculously better, I actually just got to an area that's got a really cool time shift mechanic which I'm really excited to see what they do with - and so far no fetch quests!

See? It's already getting better.

Up Next: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Santa got my letter! Skyward Sword was under our tree Christmas morning along with a 3DS and Super Mario 3D land. I also picked up Rayman Origins with a gift card from my parents. Yes, I'm adding to the backlog...but I'm promising myself to be more responsible and finish every game I start. Plus, I probably won't get any new games until next Christmas.

Anyway - Skyward Sword.

I've been a fan of the Zelda games ever since the NES days. Cutting my teeth on the strangely beautiful Zelda II (review), I have been enchanted by the world of Hyrule for the majority of my life. A new Zelda release is a call for celebration. It's a call for jubilant excitement at the new possibilities of puzzle solving and story telling; for unparalleled gameplay and mechanics...the core Zelda games never disappoint. But so far, I'm kinda disappointed.

Bird flying...kinda boring.

The game starts with about a two hour setup. Basically, you're introduced to the characters and the world of Skyloft. You get a feel for everyone's place in the society and how you as a young knight cadet fit into the big picture. And while I will consent that this is a hugely important aspect which has been slightly overlooked in previous Zelda games, it drags on for what feels like an eternity. You are sent on no less than three fetch quests before you can even begin the game proper.

Once I finally made it under the clouds and to the "surface" - Skyward Sword's name for the underworld - I began to see what makes this is a game of the year contender. The WiiMotionPlus aspects of the swordplay are really neat - making every fight a puzzle in itself. I made it through the first dungeon with relative difficulty, actually. I died quite a few times and found myself scratching my head at a few puzzles. Gotta give Nintendo respect for providing a decent challenge right from the outset. The boss in the first dungeon was a beast, too! You fight who I'm assuming is the main villain/final boss character and it took me a good five tries to finally beat him - giving it a real feeling of completion and satisfaction once I did finally take him down.

This guy.

The music is fantastic - Nintendo finally came into the 21st Century and scored this game with a full orchestra, rather than using Midi music. It gives the game a much more epic feel, however the increase in audio fidelity is not matched with a bump in the visuals. They obviously did the best they were able to do with the hardware, but a major console release in 2011 (now 2012) that's not in HD is really starting to look dated.

I'm about six hours in to what I've heard is about a fifty hour experience. Wish me luck!

Review: Mario Kart 64

In league with Goldeneye and Super Smash Bros as one of the most competitive, local multiplayer games of the 90s, Mario Kart 64 earns very high marks in the nostalgia department by anyone who fondly remembers destroying their roommate with a green shell at 2AM. But as we all know, nostalgia alone does not a great game make; so how does this beloved cart racer hold up, fifteen years after it's release?

Gameplay

In terms of the overall series, Mario Kart 64 is the game that most rewards you for actually being good at the driving mechanics. Where in Double Dash you would get blue shells and golden mushrooms until you were delicately placed in front of the pack, MK 64 makes you earn it. Sure, you'll get the golden mushroom, but you may also get one banana. You got to have the skills to make the bills.

It's not all hams and plaques.

The controls are so deep and nuanced that you will be continually surprised with what you're able to pull off under pressure. Drifting became a huge component in this entry and it's here where you'll really find the most depth in terms of gameplay. It takes a reasonable amount of practice and know-how to be able to pull off a drift properly. For the really brave, you can turn your drift into a mini turbo boost at the risk of careening off the track.

 In my "Still Playing" entry I had used the excuse of the uneven item distribution for why I was having such a hard time with the game, but that wasn't actually true - it is in fact what every single game journalist complains about when it comes to this series, so I suppose I had just been conditioned to think that was the problem...but it wasn't. Guess what the problem was? I sucked at Mario Kart 64. I wasn't good at drifting and controlling yet. I hadn't mastered the later courses' hairpin turns and small-but-essential time saving shortcuts. But once I did, I felt like I earned the victory - not just blue shelled my way to it.

Presentation

 Mario Kart 64 isn't a technical marvel by any stretch of the imagination, but it's certainly serviceable and runs at a truly steady framerate. The only weird thing is that on the virtual console, the karts and characters look like crap. Like they're 2D models placed over a 3D background. Everything else has that soft-line, N64 look, but the drivers are all blocky and weird looking. Doesn't ruin the experience, but it's just kinda strange to look at.

Look at the outline of Bowser compared to the outline of DK above.

The music is appropriate and not overbearing, and the sound and voice samples are fine, but can get really grating when you're head to head with peach and every time, and I mean every GD time she takes the lead she says

"Peachy!"

Close your eyes and imagine losing a race after hearing "Peachy!" 30 times in a row.

You just threw a controller didn't you?

---

Overall, Mario Kart 64 still holds up as a competent, fun and challenging kart racer. While I didn't have a chance to play any multiplayer in my review period, I remember it fondly from many a youth group night and high school party. If anything, playing this will make you unstoppable at the new versions of Mario Kart. Which are clearly for babies. 

Review in Ten Words or Less: 

The perfect combination of challenge and fun. 

Finished: Mario Kart 64

Completion Time: 9:27
Character of Choice: Bowser

This was surprisingly more difficult than I thought it would be. Although it didn't take nearly as long as Super Mario 64, there were an equal amount of thrown controllers. This monster can be infuriating - mostly on Bowser's Castle (those damn BRIDGES!)

Anyway, it's done. Well, technically it's done. I unlocked mirror mode but I ain't playin that. Screw that - I saw the credits. I got a gold trophy on every single cup. I'm done. 

Review coming shortly.

Game Adventure Game of the Year Awards

2011 is coming to a close - and that means it's time to remember what great times we had playing video games in the past twelve months. Now, every other gaming website out there is going with the logical choice of choosing the best games that were released in this, our two thousand eleventh year. In contrast, I'll be picking from games I played this year - regardless of whether or not they came out in the last period of 52 weeks.

These are all the games I played in 2011.

Shadow Complex

Doom

Kingdom Hearts 2

Bit.Trip Beat

Batman Arkham Asylum

Star Fox 64

Super Castlevania IV

Portal 2

Burnout 3

Ninja Gaiden (NES)

Super Mario 64

Ratchet & Clank 3 

Alex Kidd in Miracle World

Bioshock 2

Kirby's Adventure

Ico

Mario Kart 64

Seventeen games to choose from doesn't leave a whole lot of room for traditional categories (best shooter, best RPG, etc.) So here's how everything breaks down:

Most Rage Inducing: The award for most thrown controllers.

Super Mario 64

Mario 64 made me so furious that it was the first time in the adventure I had outright given up on a game entirely. Upon announcing my forfeit, my facebook buddies berated me into finishing it.  I'm glad I did because once I stopped being a baby about it, I eneded up absolutely loving it. Busted controllers not withstanding. 


Biggest Disappointment: The biggest - "What the hell? This?!" moment.

StarFox 64

Starfox 64 is pretty legendary. It always is held in high regard on message boards and often seen as a benchmark of quality space shooters. So why did I hate it? Because I beat it in an hour. One hour. On my first try.

"But there's secret paths!"

Shut up!


Hardest Game to Finish: The game that kept me up for hours, not out of enjoyment, but out of vengeance.

Ninja Gaiden

I almost gave this one to Mario 64 but Ninja Gaiden slightly edged out the hunt for 120 stars. Why? Because of Level 6-3. Likely the hardest section of programming ever put to pixels, this hallway of doom and cheap deaths sent me into a fury - when it wasn't sending me back to the BEGINNING OF THE LEVEL!

Oh I'm getting angry just thinking about it. Glad this one's crossed off.

Honorable Mention: MegaMan 2


Stupidest Game Ever: I wouldn't call it anger. More like Boredom. The game I had to force myself through because I just needed to cross it off the list.

Kingdom Hearts II 

Ughhhh...I'm bored just LOOKING at it. This atrocious mess of a game couldn't manage to get a single hook under my skin. Nothing about it was compelling. From it's button mashing battle system to its idiotic dialogue, I spent most of the 20+ hours staring at the ceiling mindlessly pressing the X button.

Best Game Ever, Ever. Twenty years down the line, I won't remember most of these games, but there is one that I doubt I'll ever forget:

Portal 2

I played this game front to back three times already. And I'm already jonesing for another playthrough. Aside from the developer commentary which becomes available on your second time through, there really isn't anything new to discover. The third playthrough was exactly the same as the first. No goofy costumes or difficulty changes - same from front to back, and yet I got more enjoyment out of it with each subsequent attempt. That is the mark of a fantastic game.

It's ironic that my game of the year is actually the only game I played this year that actually came out this year. But that's the way it is, doggy.