Welcome to your Cruis'n Drivers Manual. In the following document you will learn the rules of the road and how to safely navigate the difficult courses within the Cruis'n world through a series of multiple choice questions. The answers and explanations will be provided.
When finished, please forward your scores to Midway Entertainment.
1) Before each race, you are given the opportunity to upgrade your vehicle. Which of the following is a choice, but does not increase your vehicles performance AT ALL?
A) Spoiler
B) Neon Lights
C) Decals
D) Engine
Answer: C. You are given the choice to put a set of predetermined, hideous decals on your car rather than upgrading something like your acceleration or top speed. They don't change the performance of your car. Not a bit.
2) You should expect to see cars which aren't involved in the race in the following location(s):
A) On the subway tracks
B) On a boardwalk
C) Speeding through Central Park
D) All of the above
Answer: D. I know we're all a bunch of badass hooligans who will "drive on any terrain man!" but I really didn't expect to see other pedestrian, run of the mill, gettin' ma groceries drivers - driving through the effing subway tunnel!
3) When you crash into a wall, you should...
A) Check for injuries and property damage, then call your insurance company
B) Back out of the accident and keep on goin! You got a race to win!
C) Floor it right at the wall you just crashed into. Your car will automatically correct itself and put you back on the track.
Answer: C. I'm not even kidding.
4) If you are a second away from a head-on collision, you should...
A) Swerve out of the way for God's sake! People could get killed!
B) Ram the other car. Your car will likely sustain no damage while the other car will be sent comically spiraling through the air.
C) Double tap your gas pedal to send your car into a wheelie. Then when you come into contact with the opposing vehicle, you will perform a "Car Vault". (A car vault is when your car is sent hundreds of feet into the air while backflipping several times)
D) Both B and C.
Answer: D. Although option B sometimes backfires and you're the one sent comically flying backwards, you can really drive with reckless abandon without any penalty. Speaking of...
 |
| Time for a backflip! |
A) A solid cement wall
B) A lamp post
C) Hundreds of trees
D) The entire George Washington Bridge
Answer: Trick question. None of these items will slow your progress at all. You will fly through them as if your car was driving through tiny strips of paper, or leaves falling from trees. The game literally provides no incentive for driving well. Then on the China Town X level, I can't win. So I assume I need to actually TRY. I played that level over and over, mastered every turn, held first place the entire race only to come in 4th right at the end.
This concludes your Cruis'n Drivers Manual. Thank you for your participation, and we'll see you on the road!
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I know. I know it's an arcade racer and reality and physics really don't apply. It's just so ridiculous at points that I can't take it seriously. The most egregious thing is the fact that you can drive like a complete asshole and still finish in 2nd or 3rd place. It's a shame because the game is actually far from unplayable - the controls are great and pretty fun to use.
This is best played with a bunch of dudes watching. Preferably with a round or two of beers in the room. It is laugh out loud hilarity. You can probably find people giving this game away for pennies. Seek it out, grab your dudes and have a laugh. Then throw it into the river at midnight and never speak of it again.
GRADE: D-
Weren't all the Cruisin games like this? In the original, the game didn't even allow you to drive backwards.
ReplyDeleteChris