Review: Mario Kart 64

In league with Goldeneye and Super Smash Bros as one of the most competitive, local multiplayer games of the 90s, Mario Kart 64 earns very high marks in the nostalgia department by anyone who fondly remembers destroying their roommate with a green shell at 2AM. But as we all know, nostalgia alone does not a great game make; so how does this beloved cart racer hold up, fifteen years after it's release?

Gameplay

In terms of the overall series, Mario Kart 64 is the game that most rewards you for actually being good at the driving mechanics. Where in Double Dash you would get blue shells and golden mushrooms until you were delicately placed in front of the pack, MK 64 makes you earn it. Sure, you'll get the golden mushroom, but you may also get one banana. You got to have the skills to make the bills.

It's not all hams and plaques.

The controls are so deep and nuanced that you will be continually surprised with what you're able to pull off under pressure. Drifting became a huge component in this entry and it's here where you'll really find the most depth in terms of gameplay. It takes a reasonable amount of practice and know-how to be able to pull off a drift properly. For the really brave, you can turn your drift into a mini turbo boost at the risk of careening off the track.

 In my "Still Playing" entry I had used the excuse of the uneven item distribution for why I was having such a hard time with the game, but that wasn't actually true - it is in fact what every single game journalist complains about when it comes to this series, so I suppose I had just been conditioned to think that was the problem...but it wasn't. Guess what the problem was? I sucked at Mario Kart 64. I wasn't good at drifting and controlling yet. I hadn't mastered the later courses' hairpin turns and small-but-essential time saving shortcuts. But once I did, I felt like I earned the victory - not just blue shelled my way to it.

Presentation

 Mario Kart 64 isn't a technical marvel by any stretch of the imagination, but it's certainly serviceable and runs at a truly steady framerate. The only weird thing is that on the virtual console, the karts and characters look like crap. Like they're 2D models placed over a 3D background. Everything else has that soft-line, N64 look, but the drivers are all blocky and weird looking. Doesn't ruin the experience, but it's just kinda strange to look at.

Look at the outline of Bowser compared to the outline of DK above.

The music is appropriate and not overbearing, and the sound and voice samples are fine, but can get really grating when you're head to head with peach and every time, and I mean every GD time she takes the lead she says

"Peachy!"

Close your eyes and imagine losing a race after hearing "Peachy!" 30 times in a row.

You just threw a controller didn't you?

---

Overall, Mario Kart 64 still holds up as a competent, fun and challenging kart racer. While I didn't have a chance to play any multiplayer in my review period, I remember it fondly from many a youth group night and high school party. If anything, playing this will make you unstoppable at the new versions of Mario Kart. Which are clearly for babies. 

Review in Ten Words or Less: 

The perfect combination of challenge and fun. 

Finished: Mario Kart 64

Completion Time: 9:27
Character of Choice: Bowser

This was surprisingly more difficult than I thought it would be. Although it didn't take nearly as long as Super Mario 64, there were an equal amount of thrown controllers. This monster can be infuriating - mostly on Bowser's Castle (those damn BRIDGES!)

Anyway, it's done. Well, technically it's done. I unlocked mirror mode but I ain't playin that. Screw that - I saw the credits. I got a gold trophy on every single cup. I'm done. 

Review coming shortly.

Game Adventure Game of the Year Awards

2011 is coming to a close - and that means it's time to remember what great times we had playing video games in the past twelve months. Now, every other gaming website out there is going with the logical choice of choosing the best games that were released in this, our two thousand eleventh year. In contrast, I'll be picking from games I played this year - regardless of whether or not they came out in the last period of 52 weeks.

These are all the games I played in 2011.

Shadow Complex

Doom

Kingdom Hearts 2

Bit.Trip Beat

Batman Arkham Asylum

Star Fox 64

Super Castlevania IV

Portal 2

Burnout 3

Ninja Gaiden (NES)

Super Mario 64

Ratchet & Clank 3 

Alex Kidd in Miracle World

Bioshock 2

Kirby's Adventure

Ico

Mario Kart 64

Seventeen games to choose from doesn't leave a whole lot of room for traditional categories (best shooter, best RPG, etc.) So here's how everything breaks down:

Most Rage Inducing: The award for most thrown controllers.

Super Mario 64

Mario 64 made me so furious that it was the first time in the adventure I had outright given up on a game entirely. Upon announcing my forfeit, my facebook buddies berated me into finishing it.  I'm glad I did because once I stopped being a baby about it, I eneded up absolutely loving it. Busted controllers not withstanding. 


Biggest Disappointment: The biggest - "What the hell? This?!" moment.

StarFox 64

Starfox 64 is pretty legendary. It always is held in high regard on message boards and often seen as a benchmark of quality space shooters. So why did I hate it? Because I beat it in an hour. One hour. On my first try.

"But there's secret paths!"

Shut up!


Hardest Game to Finish: The game that kept me up for hours, not out of enjoyment, but out of vengeance.

Ninja Gaiden

I almost gave this one to Mario 64 but Ninja Gaiden slightly edged out the hunt for 120 stars. Why? Because of Level 6-3. Likely the hardest section of programming ever put to pixels, this hallway of doom and cheap deaths sent me into a fury - when it wasn't sending me back to the BEGINNING OF THE LEVEL!

Oh I'm getting angry just thinking about it. Glad this one's crossed off.

Honorable Mention: MegaMan 2


Stupidest Game Ever: I wouldn't call it anger. More like Boredom. The game I had to force myself through because I just needed to cross it off the list.

Kingdom Hearts II 

Ughhhh...I'm bored just LOOKING at it. This atrocious mess of a game couldn't manage to get a single hook under my skin. Nothing about it was compelling. From it's button mashing battle system to its idiotic dialogue, I spent most of the 20+ hours staring at the ceiling mindlessly pressing the X button.

Best Game Ever, Ever. Twenty years down the line, I won't remember most of these games, but there is one that I doubt I'll ever forget:

Portal 2

I played this game front to back three times already. And I'm already jonesing for another playthrough. Aside from the developer commentary which becomes available on your second time through, there really isn't anything new to discover. The third playthrough was exactly the same as the first. No goofy costumes or difficulty changes - same from front to back, and yet I got more enjoyment out of it with each subsequent attempt. That is the mark of a fantastic game.

It's ironic that my game of the year is actually the only game I played this year that actually came out this year. But that's the way it is, doggy.

Still Playing: Mario Kart 64

I picked this game to play at this time because Christmas is coming up. I wanted my catalog clear for the Skyward Sword that is hopefully currently sitting under our tree. I figured Mario Kart 64 would be a game I could cross off very easily and quickly - not so.

As you may know, Mario Kart games are broken up into three difficulties - 50cc, 100cc and 150cc. Well, I breezed through 50cc, but once I hit 100, the game began to flex its most annoying asset: unbalanced item distribution. So if you're in first, you get all the terrible items and if you're in last, you get all the good items. Which is fine for you, but when the computer starts spamming you with lighting bolts and blue shells you will want to find the designer of this game, take him out back, and shove those blue shells up his b-hole.

Also, I'm not sure, but I think in 50cc there's a lot more railings on the sides of the track which means falling off a lot less - or falling off a lot MORE on 100cc. Yoshi Valley and Banshee Boardwalk are currently the bane of my existence.

God, I hate this track.

I'm still hopeful that I'll beat this before December 25, but it sure is testing the durability of my controller.