Still Playing...God of War III

Oh yes. This game freaking rules! I'm about 4-5 hours in and I'm loving every second of this masterpiece. One thing that strikes me about every God of War game after the first one, is how consistent the feeling is. Even the PSP game felt like it's console brethren. I say this because there have been different people at the helm for each iteration of the trilogy - and while I'm sure many of the same programmers and sound designers carried over from game to game, you usually get a different feeling when directors come and go. But they have really managed to make this feel like a genuine part of the three part story.

I would like to talk about the first 30-45 minutes of gameplay because it's so freaking awesome. I don't want to spoil it for you though if you haven't played it. So if you've already played it, or you just don't care, keep reading - however if you want to go in fresh, you can stop here.

Spoilers Go!

So this opens right where the second game ended - in the most exciting cliffhanger of all time. Kratos is riding on the back of the Titan, Gaia as she and the other titans climb Mt. Olympus to take out Zeus once and for all. So the game starts you running around, fighting enemies on Gaia, and as she climbs this mountain you are shifting around and the ground is falling out under you as you fight off waves of baddies.

Then comes the first boss fight - Poseidon. The early part of this fight is awesome, but pretty standard by God of War requirements. Huge monster, attacking from multiple angles, takes tons of hits before the "Press Circle" notification comes up. However, this is one of the coolest boss designs in the series. Poseidon is sitting on a huge throne of water while tentacles of aquatic horses charge at you and piece through Gaia and mountain rock. Once you destroy his outer water based exterior, he is a mortal. And you begin to effing destroy him. BUT - you are seeing it from Poseidon's perspective. So as you hit the QTE buttons you see the brutality take place from the POV of the victim.

The final blow asks you to press R3 and L3 at the same time - you know, like when you click in the thumb sticks? And this causes Kratos to dig out Poseidon's eyes. With his thumbs. Damn.

Spoiler Stop!

I feel like this game more than any other in the series forces you to be a complete tool. I have vivid memories from the first game of killing a few innocent people because it met my ends, but nothing like this. In addition to the Poseidon brutality I mentioned, there are a few key moments here where I've been like "no...come on. I don't want to kill this guy!" But it's the only option. 

There has been a lot of discussion about this storytelling mechanic - where you are forced to be one way or the other. If you are given a choice, say like in the Fable games, where you can be a hero or a douche - you are essentially imposing your morals and actions on the character. This is great from a role playing perspective - especially when your actions produce different consequences (Heavy Rain, et al.). Whenever I'm playing a game where I'm given a choice like that, I always take the moral route. Even if it's at the sacrifice of booty or ammo, I always feel bad about hurting innocent people - even virtual people. 

But if you want to tell a story about a badass Spartan, you need to force the player to be a badass Spartan. And ho boy - they are forcing my hand alright. I have already killed three or four people while they screamed for mercy, and yet I don't feel guilty about it. Because I do not have a choice - I am playing through the eyes of Kratos, and he is a ruthless motherfuc**r

Up Next: God of War III

Oh yes. I felt I deserved a treat after the punishment I endured from playing Donkey Kong Country - and I can think of nothing more enjoyable to play than a God of War game.

My first job after graduating college was a sales clerk at EB Games. Not the best or most glamorous post-grad position, but it was a sweet gig. At the time, I had put a self-imposed boycott on PS2 games for myself. I was a Gamecube fanboy and for some ridiculous reason, I felt that PS2 games were stupid.

Then one day a Sony rep came into the store flaunting God of War - singing its praises, talking about how it was revitalize the PS2. I was like "yeah right - I'm playing Smash Bros - don't bother me." Then she gave us a store demo copy to play. My boycott instantly disintegrated. This was the most incredible game I had ever played. It was so vicious, the graphics were pushing the PS2 as far as it could go, the music was as epic as it could be, the controls were rock solid, the sense of scale was unmatched. I was obsessed.

Any guy who came into the store who was like "Uh...I'm sick of Madden, what should I play next?" My response would always be God of War. I used to say, "You'll feel so freaking manly while playing this game." I sold a lot of copies of this game.

My store manage was a total weirdo though. He was this older guy in his late 50s - knew nothing about video games, was cold to customers, refused to play music in the store (which made it really awkward), but he was obsessed with doing a good job and getting good numbers. The only thing he knew about games was what was on the back of the boxes and whatever promo materials we got at the store. So one time we were working together and a guy came up to the counter and asked us "What's God of War like?"

I was getting ready to answer excitedly, as I did every time someone asked that question, when my manager gave me the "I got this" look. I deferred to him and here's what he said:

You are Kratos. You must defeat the God of War. 

That was it. And guess where that's from? The back of the box. He read it verbatim. There was a few seconds of silence and the customer just kind of slowly backed out of the store.

Anyway - I love these games. At the conclusion of the second game I was literally jumping and shouting because of how freaking incredible the ending was. I'm so pumped to see this trilogy through to its conclusion.

God of War III for PS3 - let's do it!

Review: Donkey Kong Country

I hate this game more than terrorists. Like if I was in a room with a gun loaded with a single bullet, Osama Bin Laden and the computer that held the code for this game...well, I would probably shoot Bin Laden, but I would have to think about it for a minute.

Gameplay
DKC came out in 1994. The platforming genre was at it's pinnacle of popularity. The developer, Rare, literally had hundreds of games from which to draw inspiration. But what came out was no more exciting than a Bubsy or Aero the Acrobat ripoff - one of those games you rented from Blockbuster on a boring summer afternoon out of desperation for something to do. If you took out the Donkey Kong treatment and slapped on a generic cat character, this game would have never been as popular and I think the flaws would have shown through much earlier.

So here's how the game works. You control two apes named DK and Diddy - you control one and the other follows you - similar to Sonic 2, but the secondary character is of no use at all. If you take a hit from a baddie however, your character runs off the screen and you take over for the other character. If you get hit when you don't have your partner, you lose a life. If you are solo, you can find your partner trapped in a "DK" barrel scattered throughout the environment. Really all the other character is is an additional hit point. This doesn't sound so bad, but its when I kept dying over and over that's when my gears began to really grind.

The worst level ever created

For attacks - you can roll, jump or throw a barrel, and certain enemies can only be killed by one specific method. Again, this is a solid design choice - but the problem is twofold: hit detection and hidden enemies.

For example, there is an enemy that looks like a baby crocodile. You cannot roll into him because of his sharp teeth. So jumping is the best way to kill him. Simple, right? I can't tell you how many times I jumped on one of these things and died. because I landed on their teeth. Which are sideways. That would be like me slapping you on the top of your head and accidentally getting bitten. What's that? That doesn't make sense? EXACTLY! PHYSICS AND BASIC LOGIC DON'T APPLY IN THIS GAME!

THESE freaking things...

The other issue is the hidden enemies. And I don't mean that they're cleverly disguised baddies hiding out. I mean the screen conceals your enemies until the very last second when you've already committed to a run or jump. This was another source of constant deaths and subsequent rage fests on my part. Especially when you're swinging on a rope or launching from a barrel - you're going faster than usual. And many times, you have a large gap of complicated ropes or barrels or BOTH to navigate. And then when you finally get through the maze, there's a mother effing baby croc on your landing spot and you have to START OVER!!! OH I'm already getting mad just thinking about it!

-   -   -

As far as level design goes, you have your expected jungle levels, ice levels, underwater levels and so on. But many of the levels are so bland and shallow in their design that players may lose interest mid-level. Run to the right, jump on enemies avoid pits, done. Obviously it isn't that easy or I wouldn't be so angry about this game. Certain levels are almost completely aerial - meaning there's no ground to speak of and you have to launch from barrel to barrel to barrel without screwing up once. On paper, this is a good idea that mixes up the play style, but in execution it's only an exercise in frustration. However, that's not to say I hated every level in the game.

There were a few levels which I actually enjoyed. There is one where there are enemies that can't be killed, and I guess they're robots because they keep turning themselves on and you have to trip a barrel to turn them off. That one was pretty fun. The other one I liked was later in the game where the lights would click on and off every 2 seconds. So you had to quickly assess your surroundings and then take a leap of faith. This was difficult in a good way - it challenged your perceptions and your platforming sensibilities - like you know how high you'll bounce after hitting an enemy or you know how long it will take for that rope to swing back across. That one was pretty cool too.

But other than that I hated every second of it.

Thank God.

Presentation
Everyone knows that the graphics were awesome back when the game came out, and now they suck. I'm not gonna get into that anymore. They served the game well, I was able to make out everything, the landscapes were colorful and aesthetically interesting, they haven't aged well - and that's no fault of the developer.

The decent music

 The music in the game is actually very good. As much as I hate to admit it, I would find myself whistling some of the songs in the past week or so that I've been playing this accursed beast. And aside from the final boss's completely mis-matched cheerful theme, most of the songs fit the mood of the environment perfectly. The "voice" samples of DK and Diddy were well done too. One thing I really liked was how if you stood still, DK would freak out and beat his chest, screaming like monkeys do. It was a reminder that apes are badass creatures - because you certainly didn't get that sense when he was doing his stupid mother effing tata dance after beating each level, or falling on his butt and looking at you scratching his head. Shut up, idiot.

Stuff I loved: 

• Nothing.   

Stuff I hated: 

• Everything. 

-  -  -

My hatred for this game has been well documented. I will likely never play this game again and will continue to besmirch it's legacy to anyone who is foolish enough to think they like it. In the end though, it's not without its charm. The characters have a certain life to them and the graphical tech was revolutionary - even if it looks like turds today. 

Review in Ten Words or Less:

Shove it, Rare. Seriously. Eat my crap. 

Finished: Donkey Kong Country

I did it...

Official Hour Count: 2:10
Actual Playtime: About 6 hours

I am so happy to be done with this piece of crap. I have so many more terrible things I want to say about it, but I'll wait for the review to really shove this thing up it's own butt hole. Ugh. Just looking at that stupid box art now makes me sick to my stomach.

Go choke on your stupid bananas.

Almost There...Donkey Kong Country

LOOK AT THAT FREAKING BEAVER! LOOK HOW STUPID HE IS!

 So I finally made it past the stupid Snow Barrel Blast level, once again being aided by a youtube clip showing the location of the secret barrel off screen. In two nights I have made it all the way to the last level before the final boss. I blew through most of the levels on my first try, but that doesn't mean I'm starting to hate the game any less. It is still the complete bane of my existence, I'm just excited to finally get this thing out of my life. I honestly wish I had a hard copy of this game, because as soon as I beat it I would love to take an axe to it. I need to punish it the way it punished me.

And clicking "Delete" on my Wii doesn't have the same visceral punch.

Does anyone have a copy of the cart I can destroy? I mean "borrow". 

UGHHH!!!!!

I am so done with this game. If you remember my last post, I had trouble with a level called Snow Barrel Blast, which is the first level in the fourth world. I had beat it by chance: I found a secret barrel that shot me all the way to the end. I moved onto the next level, lost all my lives, had to start back at the previous save point which is BEFORE the previous boss. Now I can't find that stupid secret barrel again!! 

I. HATE. THIS. GAME. SO! MUCH. 

I want to cut it up with a hacksaw and send its pieces to its mother. I want to tie it up in a sack and drown it on a webcam and force its family to watch. I want to starve it almost to death, then give it a Thanksgiving dinner and then shoot it in the back of the head. 

One more attempt tonight. If I can't do it, $8 is going to charity and I'm deleting this game from my Wii.

Still Playing...Donkey Kong Country

Ughhhhhhh!!! I can't stand this freaking game. It's so boring and annoyingly difficult that I find myself more frustrated playing this than anything I've played so far - even Halo. I've reached the level of "controller spiking fury" a good five or six times and each time I find myself saying "That's so STUPID!" The frustration isn't coming from my inability to beat a level, it's coming from lazy level design.

The worst thing about this whole game is how easily you can die in bottomless pits. For example - I just finished a level called Barrel Blast where you have to propel yourself from barrel to barrel - launching as if from a cannon. The issue is that these barrels are spinning and if you're a centimeter off your desired angle, you will send DK and Diddy to their untimely - and unbelievably infuriating - deaths. Eventually, I beat the level by accident:

I had launched my characters straight down from a particular barrel. Just as the profanity was building up behind my teeth, and just as my hand was raised in the air to spike the controller into the wall, I saw DK and Diddy fall into a hidden barrel at the bottom of the screen. This "cleverly disguised secret" propelled me all the way to the exit, and gave me 50 bananas during the ride. I bet the developers thought "Yeah, people will be really excited when they find this" - I wasn't. I didn't think it was clever or have any sense of discovery for finding that thing - the only way anyone would ever find it is by accident! All I said was "thank God I'm done with this level..."

I will admit, there have been two or three levels that weren't bad, and the game seems to get progressively better as I go forward, but only by very little. As of now, this is the worst and most despised game in my collection.

Eat my crap Donkey Kong Country.

Up Next: Donkey Kong Country

Thanks to everyone who responded for what I should play next. Please don't take the fact that I'm playing something no one recommended as an insult to your ideas. Every suggestion was great, but I need to play a few shorter games to keep my motivation going, and I know DKC can be completed in about 6 hours.

Let me say right off the bat: I hate this game. I know it's got a lot die hard fans, but I just don't see it. I mean when this thing came out back in 1994 it was the coolest thing in the world. This and Starfox made me totally regret my decision to write "Sega Genesis" on my list to Santa. But I never got to play it back when it wowed the world with it's 3D graphics, so I don't have any nostalgia factor when playing this game, which means it needs to stand on it's own merits.

And it has very few.


Aside from the fact that the graphics have aged almost as badly as those from Final Fantasy 7, the gameplay is a snorefest. It's generic buttstomping, run-to-the-right fare; there is no imagination or creativity in the level design. You know what it feels like? A flash game. Like one of those stupid corporate flash games that's barely playable and that's only in place to sell some dumb product - in this case, the product they're selling their graphics engine.

There is often a debate over graphics or gameplay. A game can certainly sell a couple million copies just based on graphics, though I think even the casual gamers are starting to demand a certain level of competence in level design. Back in 1994 though, nothing like this had EVER been seen before, so the graphics could literally carry this game, and according to game design rockstar, Shigeru Miyamoto (creator of Mario and Zelda) the graphics were the only thing going for it:

“Donkey Kong Country proves that players will put up with mediocre gameplay as long as the art is good.”

And now, I have mediocre gameplay and ugly art, so there's really no joy that comes out of playing this at all.

Well, I guess there is one good thing... It should only take six hours to get it out of my life forever.

What's Next?

Hey gang,

I'm having a hard time deciding what to play next. Take a look at my collection and let your voice be heard in the comments.

Review: Halo

Halo is a monumental entry into the video game universe. It not only defined the blueprint for the console first person shooter genre, but it cemented the idea of a game made for grown ups - or more accurately, college dudes. While I didn't get any time with the multiplayer in my playthrough, the single player experience was about as beefy as you could ask for. It was an experience that promised high and delivered even higher.

Story
The First Person Shooter genre is usually known for it's sub-par story telling. Usually the only real "story" in these games is just in place to establish a motive for you to be OK with shooting everything in the world.  Halo is different. From the very first level, you get the sense that there is a deep universe of races, characters, foes and allies that span centuries of a fictional timeline wrapped in mystery. It's not surprising that the Halo lore has expanded into comics and novels, and with the way the story is delivered, it's hard for me to believe that much of the expanded storyline wasn't at least mapped out before Halo was even released.

Your boss.

Within the game itself, I was pleased to find that the story not only gave me a motive to shoot things, but it surprised me. There were twists I didn't see coming. There was a lot of mystery at the outset as to what the heck this floating ring in space was, and why it seemed so important. There was suspense, excitement, tension, rage, joy, frustration...you couldn't ask for anything more.

Another thing that FPS games are guilty of is the overly macho, unrealistic cast of heroes. And while the faceless, stupidly named Master Chief isn't exactly a flawed human character, he, along with other key players in the story, has more heart than I expected and in fact more than many game characters today - in any genre. Your navi-like guide, Cortana is snarky, witty and believable. The military brass are appropriately gruff and demand the right amount of respect through their voice. Master Chief's fellow marines are believable in their fear and excitement in various situations.

The story as a whole is very well written by video game standards. There is a clear beginning, middle and satisfying end to the tale of the green clad space marine.


Gameplay
I beat the game last night, and as the credits finished I saw the copyright: 2001. "Holy crap."

Of course I knew how old the game was when I popped it in my 360's disc tray, but as I played through it, I had forgotten I was playing something that was nine years old - ancient in the game world. Games usually show their age around 2-3 years later, Halo felt as if it could have been released yesterday.

The controls are tight, the level design was clearly done by seasoned vets, the game remained exciting throughout, there were 3 or 4 different vehicles (which all handled differently), two completely different species of enemies, tons of weapons (all balanced perfectly) - in short: it's a blast to play.

 Use it! Use the plasma grenade!

On top of all the FPS basics delivering strongly, it was the little extras that made Halo possibly one of the best games of the 00s. As the player, you often had to adjust your play style to match the challenge presented. You can't just go into every situation guns blazing and expect to beat it, nor should you expect to approach every situation carefully and slowly. You will need to balance these two methods of gameplay - and often a third or fourth method - to really get everything you can out of the experience. Couple that with a great story, and you have an unforgettable game.

Presentation
This is another area where I forgot I was playing a nine-year old game. Playing on an HDTV, the graphics were sharp at all times, character models were really well developed, frame rate was smooth (most of the time), and everything we very believable from a graphics perspective. In fact, if it weren't  for the fact that the game only ran in 4:3, I could easily be convinced that this was a mid-range current gen game.

On top of the graphics, the sound design is unparalleled. Game music can be one of three things:

1) Annoying - Start, Options, Music: off.
2) Invisible - When music is just there. It doesn't offend, but it goes unnoticed.
3) Awesome - Music that you find yourself humming after you've shut the game off.

Halo's now iconic orchestral score is in the highest ranking of #3 and it set the tone perfectly for every situation in the game. From the "Tibetan Monk" opening theme to the rousing skirmish tune, the music is something that is, today, instantly recognizable. You've played the game, how many times have you found yourself singing this:

Stuff I Loved:

• Fun as hell
• Solid story with satisfying conclusion
• Barring a little drag in the middle, the game is tense and exciting throughout
• The awesome music

Stuff I Hated:

• Some parts, even on normal, are really freaking hard. 
• No subtitles. I played this mostly while my wife was sleeping, so I had to keep the volume low. When I got to a cutscene, I missed all the exposition because I couldn't hear Cortana or the Chief.
• The mother-effing driving controls for the Warthog, and by extension, the final sequence where you're forced to drive the stupid thing to the end of the game. Press up for gas and rotate the camera to steer.  Oh, and put butter all over the wheels and make the wheels out of floor wax, and then wax the floor and walls. Then pour water and lube all over everything. That sound like fun? No. It's not. It sucks. 

All in all, I loved the game. I don't think I'd play it again, just because I'm so bad at FPS games. However, the story alone makes me want to go out and get Halo 2 and 3, and I think I will do just that after this project is over.


Ten Words or Less Review:
Fully cinematic experience, tough as nails, awesome.

Finished: Halo

I did it.

Final Hour Count: About 15 hours (no official in-game clock)

As you may have read, I was having particular trouble with a segment called Final Run. I felt the same way about this segment as I did about the Grim Reaper in Castlevania. I had gotten frustrated enough with it to look it up on Youtube. And once again, the solution was cheap - drive a ghost right down the middle, grab a Banshee and avoid fighting all together. I decided to give it one more shot fighting my way to the Banshee, and after putting bite marks in my 360 controller, I went for the cheap-o method and beat the rest of the mission in one shot.

Hey - I didn't use a cheat code...

Cheap and cheat are two different words.

The Library? Please...Final Run, However...

So everyone kept warning me about a certain mission called "The Library"...

Watch out for the Library - that's quite a grind

Halo gets a lot of flack for one mission in particular, The Library, and you'll see why.

Rough stuff ahead with the Library

Brace yourself! [The library is] long.

I freaking destroyed the library. Like, no trouble at all - I don't even think I died.

I really enjoyed one particular aspect of The Library that several other games have emulated. As you're fighting through this level you are guided by a little talking beacon, and every once in a while these laser-firing drones come out to help you take out some of the enemies. Once you finish the level, though, these drones turn against you, and that's the aspect I enjoyed. It's cool when powerful enemies or allies switch sides either for you or against you. It's kinds like in Chrono Trigger when you can recruit Magus to join your party.

Anyway, I made it through the majority of the following level, but now I am on a segment called "Final Run". I remember this portion vividly from the last time I tried to play through Halo because its where I gave up. You are fighting every single type of enemy and vehicle in this section and it is over-the-top difficult.

I think it may be my gaming type/personality that's giving me trouble with this, and possibly why I didn't have much trouble with the Library. You have to be extremely strategic in Final Run, whereas in the Library you just have to be quick with the trigger finger and conserve ammo as much as possible. I approach most FPS games in the balls-out, shoot everything mode, which served me well in the Library, but it's clear that I need to alter my approach to beat Final Run.

It says something about the depth of this game that you have to change your gaming style to make it through the whole thing, and I bet many people don't notice that aspect of Halo. Because everyone else is so damn good at it.